so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
