I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
