I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
