ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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