you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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