i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How does one acquire holy water?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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