i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
