You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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