like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
