I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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