Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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