So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Randomize
