I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
