dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
