come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
