i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
