walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
