Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think i got beer on your cat.
And then he peed in my hair
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