If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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