Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
