I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
