Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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