Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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