marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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