We won't sleep together?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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