where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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