we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
