he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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