I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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