After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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