i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
