i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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