Apparently you make a good broom.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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