I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
