He is such a slut. More and more my type.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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