What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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