I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
