please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
