I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
