WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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