miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
