Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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