Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
