He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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