Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
