So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love you. Go after that dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
