Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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