in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
