I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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