Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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