There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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